GW crossover w/ The Scarlet Letter
by Megami Merquise
Summary: Uh, bad title and I'm really bad at summaries. Yes it is as insane as it sounds! I'm not finished yet, but I will be shortly. Chapter 3 is up! This is the end! The story is finished--finally.
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, The Scarlet Letter, James Bond, Hooked on Phonics, or any of the other copyrighted or trademarked.uh. things in this fanfic.  
  
A/B (author's blathering): If you have never read The Scarlet Letter, don't even bother reading this, 'cuz you won't get it. Also, there are many references to my english teacher and people in my school, especially in chapter 4. Oh, and I am aware that the beginning sucks.  
  
Now, on with the story!  
  
Gundam Wing and The Scarlet Letter  
  
For some reason, the G-Boys are back in school. This time, they happen to go to my school (a smaller high school in a 'berb outside Chicago). Anyway, they have to write an essay on The Scarlet Letter, and everybody's done it but Duo (why is this not a surprise?).  
  
Right now he was in the kitchen, eating an entire box of Ho Ho's when Quatre walked in.  
  
Quatre: You know, you shouldn't eat the entire box in one sitting.  
  
Duo: That's a matter of opinion. Plus, it's "brain food" and I'm gonna write that damn essay after I'm done here.  
  
Quatre: You didn't write it yet?!  
  
Duo: Of coarse not! I'm starting early this time.  
  
Quatre: It's due tomorrow!  
  
Duo: Correction: it's due 7th period tomorrow, and I have a study hall 5th period.  
  
Quatre: **rolls his eyes** What ever works for you.  
  
Duo finished the box and threw it in the fridge, and headed upstairs to begin the paper. For about 20 minutes, Duo sat there thinking. Then, he just shrugged and began copying the cliff notes, taking panes to change the word order so it wasn't complete plagiarism. This took almost no time, but before he finished Wufei walked in and began bitching at him for copying.  
  
Wufei: This is injustice toward whatever company owns "Cliff's Notes".  
  
Duo wasn't listening to him, though. He wanted to finish this paper before his shows come on.  
  
Wufei: And furthermore, --  
  
Duo: DONE! **Duo stood up and stretched.**  
  
Wufei: Are you listening to me?!  
  
Duo: No! What a stupid question! Does anyone ever listen to you?  
  
**Commence standard Wufei-Duo chase scene**  
  
That night, the paper had just a little influence on Duo's dreams. That's in the second chapter, though.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
  
  
Author's rambling: I know that was short and kind of dumb. But, just keep reading when I get chapter two up, which will be more than likely very soon! 


	2. Duo's Dream

Disclaimer: See chapter 1  
  
A/N: See chapter 1  
  
Chapter 2: Duo's Dream  
  
~~The Scarlet Letter~~  
  
by Nathaniel Hawthorne, "reinvented" by Duo Maxwell  
  
Starring:  
  
Colonel Traize as.......Reverend Master Dimmesdale  
  
Lady Une as.........Hester Prynn  
  
Marimaia as........Pearl  
  
Chang Wufei as.......Rodger Chillingworth [1]  
  
Relena Peacecraft as.....Mistress Hibbins [2]  
  
Otto [3] as.........the Town Betel, (or just the prison guard)  
  
And.  
  
Zechs as...........Reverend Wilson  
  
~*~*~  
  
The New England town was just waking up. It was chilly in the morning, as always, but peaceful. Then suddenly a guard came out of the prison, dragging some woman with him.  
  
Otto: Come on, then. Onto the scaffold so you can be judged by the community for your sin, but really transcend above us into another level of being, just like that english teacher said. [4]  
  
Lady Une: What?. Hey, wait a minute! Aren't you dead?  
  
Otto: Uh, QUIET YOU!  
  
The pair bickered, just as they do every morning. "Hester" carried her baby up the stairs and onto the scaffolding, where they looked up at the church tower.  
  
Traize: Who is the father of your child? Tell even if he must come down from a high place.  
  
Lady Une: I'll never tell!  
  
Traize: Yes you will!  
  
Lady Une: No I won't!  
  
Traize: Yes you will!  
  
Lady Une: No I won't!  
  
Traize: Yes you will!  
  
Lady Une: No I won't!  
  
Traize: Yes you will!  
  
Lady Une: No I won't!  
  
Traize: Yes you will!  
  
Lady Une: No I won't!  
  
Traize: FINE!  
  
Lady Une: Good! I'm glad.  
  
Traize: I'm sure you are!  
  
Lady Une: I am!  
  
Traize: Right, then.  
  
Lady Une: Yes.  
  
They glare at each other, waiting for.uh.something.  
  
As they were arguing, an odd looking person entered the town from the forest and began asking questions...  
  
Wufei: What's going on? Is justice not being served?! I am trained in noticing these types of things.  
  
Quatre: It's just those two again. The poor girl has a baby and is protecting the father at the cost of more prison time. [5]  
  
Wufei: Who is that onna?  
  
Quatre: Hester Prynn. Who are you?  
  
Wufei: I am.uh.you may call me Chillingsworth. Rodger Chillingsworth.  
  
Trowa: Hey! THAT'S MY LINE!!  
  
James Bond: NO! That's MY line! You stole and slightly altered it!  
  
Trowa whistles and a few lions come running out of the woods and begin attacking Bond. James Bond. When he is mauled and bleeding profusely, the lions finally stop. After Trowa nods, they drag him away to devour him. Trowa walks into the forest after them.  
  
Wufei: That was interesting. Do random bakas show up here often?  
  
Quatre: No, not usually.  
  
Wufei: Good. So, where is that onna?  
  
Quatre: The town square. Her punishment is to stand on the scaffold with her child all day. After a while she began to really not care so we were forced to bring Mistress Hibbens over to give a peace talk on Fridays. This works, by the end, Hester's brain seems to have shut down. If I were you, I'd get out of here on Fridays, or at least lock yourself in your house.  
  
Wufei: Is that so? **walks over to the town square** HOLY SHIT!.uh, I mean, oh, who is this person I've never seen before? [6]  
  
Lady Une: **glares at him, but then turns attention to guard** What day is it today?  
  
Otto: Friday.  
  
Lady Une: NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Otto: **grinning** And I see Mistress Peac-I mean Mistress Hibbins approaching now.  
  
Lady Une: NNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mistress "Hibbins" climbs slowly onto the scaffolding and addresses the town at first.  
  
Relena: Any of you who desire may stay and listen  
  
The town clears out so fast it isn't even funny. "Chillingsworth" is still standing there, but quickly turns and leaves. Relena shrugs and begins her talk.  
  
~*~*~ 7 Years Later ~*~*~  
  
Zechs: You don't look well, sir.  
  
Traize: I would tend to disagree, considering the fact that I am dead, you know.  
  
Zechs: Oh,.um.yeah, right.  
  
Traize: Plus, I've been whipping myself to save my soul. [7]  
  
Zechs: Yes.**thinking** this guy's nuts.  
  
Wufei: I understand that you're sick, and this is not just. I will provide.uh.justice because this is all I do; this, rant, whine, and complain.[8]  
  
Traize: I will let you stay on the sole condition that you shut up right now.  
  
Wufei: **w/ sad puppy-dog face** okay.  
  
Traize: Good. You want to administer justice? Kill Mistress Hibbins.  
  
Wufei: It will be my pleasure!  
  
~*~*~ In the forest ~*~*~  
  
Mariemaya: Hi! I'm half symbol, half human! Now I'm an unruly little girl who everyone thinks is evil, but I'm really the little-  
  
Lady Une: Girl who won't be allowed to take over the earth if she doesn't shut up right now; Mommy has a very bad headache and you're not helping.  
  
~*~*~ Later ~*~*~  
  
"Dimmesdale" is walking down to see "Hester" and "Pearl".  
  
Traize: Hello, Hester. It's been a while.  
  
Lady Une: I will never tell.  
  
Traize: I know.  
  
A/N: To see what happens in this oh-so-boring scene from The Scarlet Letter, read the book. I'm sure it's available at your local book depository.  
  
Meanwhile in space above New England.  
  
Heero: Mission gratefully accepted. I would like to thank you once again for this wonderful opportunity!! ^_^  
  
Heero ends the transmission and heads down toward earth in his first ever extremely good mood. In fact, he could not stop himself from smiling.  
  
Heero: **singing** (singing?) I'm gonna kill Relena, I'm gonna kill Relena, I'm gonna kill Relena, hey, hey, hey, hey!  
  
Wing Zero lands down atop "Hibbins" hut. Unfortunately, she was out at the time, giving a peace talk.  
  
Heero: Oh, well. No big loss. Now I get to kill her slowly! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
Heero jumps out of his gundam and walks toward the town. While heading there, he takes out his favorite gun and his polishing cloth. Ah, Relena Killer, it is now time to perform our sacred quest. Heero polishes it all the way to the town.  
  
Heero: **thinking** Hmmm, where to shoot her? The head? No, too quick. The arm? No, there's a chance of survival. Hmmm, the arm, and both of the knee caps as a prelude to the puncturing of the left lung? Yeah, I think that sounds pretty good. Maybe I'll then tie her up by her toes as she's dying.yeah.that sounds like a good plan. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
"Hibbins" finally finishes her talk and is hurried out of the town, but runs into Heero before she gets out.  
  
Relena: HHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRROOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!  
  
Heero: **whips out gun** Mwa ha ha ha! You die now! You won't be stalking anyone anymore!  
  
He proceeds to shoot her as previously mentioned. And there was much rejoicing. [9] Heero was then crowned King of New England by the people for his great, glorious, and wonderful deed.  
  
~*~*~  
  
Chillingworth was now going through Dimmesdale's stuff.  
  
Wufei: Hmmm.what have we here? Whips, guns, "Hooked on Phonics", "OZ is #1" T-shirts, hmm about 20 of them,.what's this?! Red, silk, leopard-print thongs? [10] **closes drawer promptly** Note to self: NEVER do that again!  
  
Chillingsworth looks under the bed next for.something. He finds "Traize's Secret Diary! Keep out!"  
  
Wufei: Yeah, right. What's in here?..  
  
As Wufei is reading it, Zechs walks in.  
  
Zechs: You shouldn't read that, you know.  
  
Wufei: Screw you! Hey, look at this!  
  
They both end up looking through (and laughing at) Traize's diary, from beginning to end. This is where they find out about Traize and Lady Une and Mariemaya. Behind where the diary was, they find "Traize's Secret Liquor Stash! Don't touch!" Zechs and Wufei immediately open it up and begin drinking it.  
  
~*~*~ 3 hours later ~*~*~  
  
"Dimmesdale" comes home, after coming to a decision that he'd tell the world and get the secret off his chest. He walks into the room only to see Zechs and Wufei dancing around in his leopard-skin red-silk thongs and singing "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall"! Traize decided to go to a calmer place, the town square (he doesn't know about Heero's crowning or Relena's body hanging up in the gallows) When he gets down there, Traize faints and Quatre and Trowa throw him to the lions (they hadn't had anything this good since James Bond!) Back at the town square, there was a huge party and more beer suddenly appeared from nowhere. It was great until-  
  
**BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!**  
  
Duo: Morning already?  
  
He was in a terrible mood until he remembered his dream, at which point he began laughing hysterically.  
  
Wufei: What the hell is wrong with you?  
  
Seeing Wufei brought on a whole new fit of laughter.  
  
Duo: Oh, nothing.CHILLINGSWORTH!!!!!!!  
  
More laughter as Duo ran to his computer and began typing.  
  
Wufei: Braided Baka.  
  
The laughter is heard at the breakfast table.  
  
Later, at the breakfast table, Duo showed them his revised English paper.  
  
Heero: Interesting.  
  
Quatre: I don't think you should hand that in..  
  
Duo: I DO!!  
  
Wufei: (what else?) INJUSTICE!!!  
  
Duo: All right, I'm definitely handing it in now! ^_^  
  
Wufei got up with his katana and began chasing Duo around the house. The other three just sat there and finished their breakfasts.  
  
  
  
~*~*~  
  
Like it? Chapter three will come soon (I've already written it). Warning, major insanity alert for next chapter!  
  
[1] Hmmm.intriguting love triangle.  
  
[2] A crazy devil woman, they match up perfectly!  
  
[3] 'cuz I couldn't think of anyone else to fill the role  
  
[4] my english teacher went on and on and on and on about that  
  
[5] I'm not sure if that's how it happened in the book.  
  
[6] Chillingsworth is Hester's husband  
  
[7] This actually happened in the book  
  
[8] remember, this is Duo's dream  
  
[9] ever seen Monty Python and the Holy Grail?  
  
[10] This is something that popped into my head around midnight. 


	3. The Next day

A/N: Hello again, FanFiction Fanatics! I know it has been a while (at least 2 weeks!) since I have updated this story, but I've been busy, what w/ school and everything. Oh, and if you ever had an english teacher that read your stories/essays/papers out loud, you will appreciate this chapter. Also, there are numerous references to my friends and teachers, so if you don't get it,.well.um.yeah. Anyway:  
  
Disclaimer: **In Sgt. Schultz voice** I own nothing, nothing!  
  
Chapter 3: The next day at school.  
  
Seventh period was finally here! Heero spent the entire day staring at six different clocks, and now it was almost time to go home!  
  
Heero: **thinking** 50 more minutes..  
  
1 Forb, the english teacher, came in the class and took attendance.  
  
Forb: All right, everyone, pass in your papers.  
  
Wufei looked murderous as he passed in his papers, and even moreso [1] as Duo handed in his. Duo didn't really think of it at all, since he was too busy talking to Meg. Though he did look up and nervously glance in Wufei's direction when Forb said:  
  
Forb: I'll be picking random papers to read aloud to the class today. How many will depend on how quickly we finish going over the vocab. But don't worry, we will get to the papers.  
  
Duo banged his head on the desk a couple of times. The class got through the vocab fairly quickly, and the teacher said they'd have time for three papers.  
  
Forb: We'll be hearing....Briannie's, Meg's, and....Duo's papers.  
  
Wufei held up a piece of paper in Duo's direction that said "You are lucky I cannot get out my katana now. Oh, yes, I have it w/ me."  
  
Duo: **gulp**; **raises hand** Uh, Mr. Forb, could you not read mine? Please?  
  
Forb: No, I'm sure your paper is great.  
  
Duo: **under his breath** Ah, crap, I'm gonna die.  
  
Meg's paper was wonderful, absolutely perfect. She received 500% on it. Briannie's was alright, she got an A-, Now it was time for Duo's paper... (Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!)  
  
~*~*~ After Duo's Paper ~*~*~  
  
The class either had no expression (Heero and Trowa), were stifling laughter (Quatre, and others), shocked, or murderous (Wufei). Duo's face was bright red and his head was down on his desk. There were about 20 notes on his desk from classmates. Duo didn't know if he wanted to read them. When he looked up, he saw Wufei's face and almost started laughing (it was bright red and he was looking like he could get up and strangle and shove some pencils in Duo's eyes).  
  
Forb: Uh, interesting paper, Duo. It is excellent writing, but has nothing to do with the topic of the paper, which was to describe the downfall of Dimmsdale.  
  
Duo: Well, uh, actually I do explain about a fall of Dimmesdale. He never went into public again after Wu- I mean Chillingsworth and Wilson go through all his stuff. Didn't I put that in there?  
  
Forb: That never happened in the book.  
  
Duo submitted.  
  
Forb: I think I'll give you a -  
  
We will never know what grade Duo got, because none other than Luke Skywalker came flying through the window from who knows where!! [2]  
  
Luke: I am here because my ship was caught in a temporal anomaly and-- YOU!  
  
Forb: Me? Do I know you?  
  
Luke: Not yet, but you will!  
  
Quatre: What is going on here? Mr. Forb?  
  
Luke: Forb? Is that what you're calling yourself now, Palpatine?!  
  
Forb/Palpatine: **gasp** You know my secret! Now you must all die!  
  
Luke brings out his lightsaber and light-saber-fights with the english teacher. Luke somehow wins and chops off the "teacher's" head.  
  
Briannie: LUKE! NOW IT'S YOUR TIME TO DIE!! [3,4] YOU KILLED MY FATHER!! I MUST SERVE JUSTICE AND RETURN HONOR TO MY FAMILY NAME!  
  
Wufei: Honor? Injustice? AAHH! It is a matter of justice, I must lend aid!  
  
Wufei takes out his katana and lunges for Luke, but since he spent so much time talking and getting out his katana, Luke was already decapitated by Briannie's lightsaber.  
  
Wufei: Ah, well. Now you die, Maxwell!  
  
Duo: Crap.  
  
Duo leaves the room in a hurry and Wufei follows. The rest of the class doesn't know what to do next. The bell rings just as Briannie and Quatre begin to try and calm the class. The entire school leaves in a hurry, leaving only some of the teachers (2, to be exact) and the G-Boys.  
  
Heero and Trowa suspected something was wrong with a couple of the teachers, so they left to investigate when Luke came in.  
  
~*~*~ In the Staff Room ~*~*~  
  
Two of the teachers this school knew as "Mr. Xtron and 'the Leprechaun' (as the students called him) sat in the large chairs no doubt scheming something evil, as teachers often do.  
  
They were talking about having two major tests in one day when Heero and Trowa came in.  
  
Leprechaun: Go away, no students allowed-- YOU!  
  
Xtron: I knew you'd show up.  
  
Heero: Well, I knew that you'd know.  
  
Xtron: Well, I knew that you'd know that I'd know.  
  
Heero: I knew that you'd know that I know that you'd know.  
  
Trowa and the Leprechaun: Can we stop this madness!  
  
Heero: Okay, ZECHS MARQUAISE! [5] And you're not Xtron, you're Traize Kushranada! [6]  
  
Xtron: How?  
  
Heero: No two teachers could be that boring. It's just not possible!  
  
~*~*~  
  
A/N: Never be able to look at boring teachers again, eh? Well, maybe you'll be able to, but I'll never look at those two teachers in my school the same way again! ^_^ Hey, it'll make Chemistry and Trig more interesting!  
  
[1] Is this a word?  
  
[2] Luke Skywalker!? Hey, I wuz watching 'Star Wars'....good movie! ^_^  
  
[3] I know, I don't own the **ugh** Dungeons and Dragons movie either.  
  
[4] It's a joke between me an' my friend Briannie (It came from too many sugar cubes, or peeps, or something like that)  
  
[5] I think I spelled his last name wrong.  
  
[6] See number 5. 


End file.
